Thusday, March 19

~Still feeling so sleepy while typing this blog section. The room here is so dark and cold...it makes me wanna sleep even more. So counting from today onwards, I still left 6 days to go before I go back to Brunei. Gonna miss here? Well, I say I wouldnt maybe is a lie or maybe theres some truth in it. Suddenly when thinking about it, I wonder wats the reason I wanna stay here. Is it because of my relatives, shopping malls, Cellgroup friends, City Harvest, the living style here?? Lets just say,I also don't know.

~6 days to go, and maybe I can get a job. Talking about job, I had this dreams in a row this few days, all about my job in skswood. I am not so sure why, but then the last time I dreamt about job is when Wen come my house and talked to my parent. Somehow, the parent in my dream, there's this slight chance where they would allow me to work overseas. Message from God or maybe a dream is a dream after all. Nothing but fantasy.

~Starting to get stress. So worried about my job, about everything. Got this self-depression, which I also scared of. Feeling pity for me or trying to help me is going to make me worst. I think I need to find a point in my life to get back my motivation, my Faith and my vision. But then, everything seem so far, so distant. Sometimes I am afraid I will lose my Faith again, backslide again. Everybody is moving on, steping higher and higher but me, return to sqaure one, being childish still. They say "One reason for being childish is because you are trying to impress someone or getting someone attention" and I find it true. I feels that I can no longer laugh or play, no longer wanna be childish, simply because I no longer has anyone to impress with now.

~My friend, spent up to RM5K just to chase a girl, end up being rejected by harsh sms. After buying her dinner, laptop etc, she said "You did all that on your own free will, I never ask you to do it", or after smsing her, "Tonight i buy dinner for you" and the reply sms is only "oh". What a lady. I feel so sad for my friend but then, on second thought, I had already advise him not to buy the laptop. So in the end, its up to his decision tho. Life sometimes is hard.

~Gonna keep praying.